Have you ever been so mad because you feel like your partner isn’t even listening to you? Or have you been told that you don’t hear what your spouse is saying to you? Yeah.. me too boo! I’ve been on both sides of this fence and it all comes down to the listening skills that I am or am not using at the time of the discussion. You see, even though our brains and bodies know how to listen without us having to use any intent, that doesn’t mean that we are hearing or even comprehending anything that is being said. It’s totally ok though because this is not just something some people are born with, it is a skill and the cool thing about skills is that they can be taught and practiced.
Active listening is a powerful communication skill that holds the key to resolving conflicts, strengthening relationships, and fostering understanding. Yet, in the heat of an argument or when irritation sets in, it becomes a challenging task for most. In this blog post, we’ll explore what active listening is, why it’s often difficult, and how to practice it daily, especially in those testing moments.
What is Active Listening?
Active listening is a communication technique that involves fully engaging with the speaker, both verbally and non-verbally, to show that you are genuinely interested in what they are saying. It’s about more than just hearing the words – it’s about understanding the emotions, thoughts, and intentions behind them.
Why Active Listening Is Difficult in Heated Moments:
Emotional Overload:
When emotions run high during an argument or when irritation sets in, our emotional response often overtakes our ability to listen actively. We become more focused on defending ourselves, retaliating, or justifying our point of view.
Ego and Pride:
Our ego can get in the way of active listening. We may feel that truly listening means admitting fault or defeat, which can be difficult for our pride to accept.
Fear of Vulnerability:
Active listening requires vulnerability. It means setting aside your own perspective and being open to the other person’s viewpoint. This can be scary, especially if you fear that your own emotions may become overwhelming.
Impatience:
In our fast-paced world, patience is often in short supply. Active listening takes time and effort, and when we’re irritated or in a hurry, we tend to tune out or interrupt the speaker.
How to Practice Active Listening Daily:
Stay Calm:
In heated moments, take a deep breath and try to stay calm. It’s challenging but vital. Being calm allows you to approach the conversation with a clear mind.
Set Your Ego Aside:
Understand that active listening is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength and maturity. Let go of the need to be right and prioritize understanding.
Use Non-Verbal Cues:
Maintain eye contact, nod, and use facial expressions to show that you are engaged and listening. These cues can make the other person feel heard and respected.
Ask Open-Ended Questions:
Encourage the speaker to elaborate and share more by asking open-ended questions. This demonstrates your interest in their viewpoint.
Practice Empathy:
Try to put yourself in their shoes and see the situation from their perspective. Understand their emotions and validate their feelings, even if you don’t agree with their point of view.
Be Patient:
Active listening takes time, and it may not result in immediate resolution. Be patient and allow the conversation to progress naturally.
Reflect and Clarify:
After the speaker has finished, paraphrase what they said to ensure you understood correctly. This not only clarifies your understanding but also shows that you value their perspective.
Active listening can be challenging, especially in arguments or moments of irritation, especially if you are a busy mom who is being asked to do everything at every moment for everyone. However, it’s precisely in these situations that it’s most important. By mastering this skill, you can de-escalate conflicts, strengthen relationships, and promote mutual understanding. Not to mention, you will just be more chill. Practice active listening daily, and you’ll find that it not only enhances your communication but also transforms your interactions into opportunities for growth and connection. Over in our shop you will see some active listening queue cards that we have put together for you. There are 20 of them with different prompts to place throughout your home, in a planner or just keep on your desk to remind yourself what to work on for the next 20 days to improve your skills. I hope you like them! <3
