Girl! We’ve all been there. The moments when you get so frustrated with your partner, your kids, or the world in general, that you feel like throwing a fork might be a legitimate response. While that might provide momentary relief, we all know it’s not the best way to handle the situation. In this blog post, we’re going to explore some secret techniques to help you defuse those anger bombs before they detonate. So, before you consider fork-throwing, read on for a better solution.
In, Click, Click, BOOM
Walk Away
When you’re on the brink of losing your cool, the first thing you should do is take a step back. Walking away from the situation or the person can provide much-needed breathing space. It’s not about running away from your problems; it’s about giving yourself time to cool down and think more clearly. This momentary pause can prevent the situation from escalating and regrettable actions from taking place.
If you are a mama with little kids, I know that this is easier said than done. I would actually hide in my closet and shut my door for a few minutes when my daughter was little. Sometimes she would scream on the other side of the door, sometimes she would be terrifying me because she was silent but either way, those few minutes alone with my own body and brain were crucial!!
Write It Down
After walking away and finding a quiet space, it’s time for a therapeutic exercise that I like to call a Brain Burn. Write it all down. Every single thing that’s bothering you. Maybe your husband forgot to take the trash out (again), your child rejected the dinner you carefully prepared, or your boss seems disinterested in your ideas. It’s like a mental purge, allowing you to release all the frustration and anger that’s been building up.
Write down every deep, dark thought, and don’t hold back. Let the words flow freely onto the paper. This process helps you confront your emotions head-on and provides a sense of clarity about why you’re so angry.
Boo, this is a No-Judgement zone so I feel safe sharing some of the things I have found myself writing:
- The smell of those freaking shoes
- Literally asked for noodles and now the noodles are too noodly?
- He hasn’t shaved his face in days
- The tone of voice when I bring up meal prep
- That has been sitting on the steps for 70 days, just take it upstairs
- Hearing “Mommy” 7,000 times an hour for absolutely nothing
- You don’t need to ask me that, you can totally handle this silently
- Just shut up
- The bathroom door still won’t freaking close all the way and it’s been years
The Power of Seeing It
Seeing your thoughts on paper is a potent experience. It’s the most honest you can be with yourself. You’re no longer bottling up your anger; you’re confronting it. This can be a turning point in your journey toward maintaining a healthy and loving relationship with your partner. I have had things come out of my brain and onto paper that I would NEVER say out loud, things that I couldn’t even believe. Being brutally honest has proven to give me the most clarity on what is truly bothering me.
Release and Relief
Now that you’ve poured out your feelings onto paper, it’s time for the most satisfying part – getting rid of it. You can do this in various ways:
Shred It: Run the paper through a shredder. The act of shredding is like breaking down your anger into smaller, more manageable pieces.
Burn It: Safely burn the paper, watching the flames consume your frustrations. As it turns to ash, you can visualize the anger dissipating with it.
Eat It (if you dare!): Some find catharsis in actually eating the paper. While it might sound unusual, it symbolizes the act of swallowing your anger and moving on… At least that’s what I’ve seen in movies, I’ve never tried it. Are there carbs in paper? Lol.
The important thing is that this brain dump is just for you. It’s a personal release and not something you need to share with your partner. The goal is to clear your mind and find a healthier way to cope with your frustrations and see if any of it is even real or just irritation in the heat of the moment.
In the end, anger is a natural emotion, and we all have our breaking points. However, it’s essential to find constructive ways to manage it, especially in our closest relationships. Walking away, writing it down, and then disposing of those thoughts can help you see the bigger picture, and either get over the issue or find a way to address it more productively.
Remember, it’s perfectly normal to get angry from time to time, but how you handle that anger can make all the difference in the health of your relationship. So, the next time you’re tempted to throw a fork, try these secret techniques instead and watch your anger transform into understanding and resolution. I have provided a free version of my Brain Burn pages if you would like to give it a shot!
