“Honey, can you take that upstairs please?” “Babe when can you take that upstairs?” “I don’t understand why I have had to tell you 3 times to take that upstairs!” Does any of this sound familiar? Girl, me too. I live with an elementary age child, a 100 lb dog and a man with ADHD that only 1% of people have… Plus, I’m a manual wheelchair user so I am extremely reliant on help with things that require some vertical assistance or stair climbing. Most of the time, these things seem to bother me more than they bother my family. I have physically hidden under blankets, inside of closets and straight up ugly cried when it comes to looking around my home and feeling so overwhelmed and feeling so alone in wanting it to be nice. Sometimes it even felt like they were out to get me. like they were intentionally ruining the home that I worked so hard not only to buy and make ours, but a home that I spent all day on my only day off cleaning, organizing and making smell amazing. Constantly feeling like I was getting nowhere took a toll on my mental health and my relationships, so I had to do some deep diving into why. A clean and organized living space is often more than just a visual treat; it can significantly impact the dynamics of a relationship. The state of your home affects your mental and emotional well-being, and in turn, influences the quality of your connection with your partner. I believe maintaining a clean house and being organized can contribute to a healthier relationship. Tools like journaling, checklists, and planners play a role in achieving this harmony and it does take both partners efforts to prevent overwhelm in one person.

Let’s break it down into little pieces:

Stress and Its Impact on Relationships

A cluttered and dirty living environment can be a significant source of stress. When you’re constantly surrounded by mess and chaos, it can take a toll on your mental health. Stress can, in turn, lead to conflicts and misunderstandings within a relationship. Tensions can escalate, and the bond between partners may weaken.
This is a safe space so I am going to admit, in the past when my better half was unhelpful with seeing the nastiness he was causing in my home, I would have terrible thoughts and resentment and couldn’t even look at him without seeing him as a dirty human who wrecked my beautiful home. On the other hand, when he contributes daily to just cleaning up after himself or assisting me with our family, I tend to not even notice if his keys aren’t in the dish or if I have to pick up a dirty shirt that didn’t make it into the hamper. 

To reduce the impact of stress caused by a cluttered and dirty living environment, it may be helpful to develop a cleaning schedule and decluttering plan. This can help you stay on top of household chores and create a more comfortable living environment for yourself and your loved ones. I know it may sound extra, but a lot of times it is easier for our husbands and children to do what we ask of them if it is a simple checklist or daily routine that just gets embedded in their brain.

The Role of Cleanliness in Reducing Stress

Maintaining a clean and organized home provides a sense of control and peace. When your surroundings are tidy, it becomes easier to relax and focus on your relationship. The act of cleaning itself can be therapeutic, and many couples find it a bonding experience when they tackle household tasks together.

By keeping a clean and tidy home together, couples can foster a sense of teamwork and collaboration which can ultimately strengthen their relationship.

To achieve a clean and stress-free environment, couples should make a joint effort to establish a cleaning routine that works for both partners. This may involve dividing household chores evenly, setting aside designated cleaning times, and making a conscious effort to maintain a clutter-free living space. By working together to maintain a clean home, couples can create a peaceful and harmonious living environment that promotes overall wellbeing and reduces stress.

Over time, J and I have come up with tasks/chores that he does as well as ones that I do. However, we also have found our groove of picking up where the other one left off. For example, If I am cooking, he is usually washing the dishes that I am putting in the sink or setting the table for us to sit down and eat. If he is taking the trash outside from the trash cans, I like to put the new trash bags inside of the cans while he is outside. It is just how this thing works for us. 

The Power of Journaling

Journaling is an incredibly powerful tool for self-reflection and self-improvement. When it comes to keeping a tidy home as a couple, journaling can help in a few different ways.

Firstly, journaling allows you to set goals for yourself and your home. By taking the time to write down what you want to achieve, you can create a clear roadmap for how to get there. This can be especially helpful when it comes to decluttering and organizing your home. By setting specific goals and breaking them down into manageable steps, you can make the process feel less overwhelming.

Secondly, journaling can help you identify patterns in your behavior that may be contributing to a messy home. For example, if you notice that you tend to leave clutter around the house when you’re feeling stressed, you can work on finding healthier ways to cope with stress. By becoming more aware of your habits and tendencies, you can make changes that will lead to a tidier home.

Finally, journaling can be a great tool for communication between partners. By writing down your thoughts and feelings about the state of your home, you can start a conversation with your partner about what needs to be done. This can be especially helpful if you have different ideas about what a tidy home looks like or if one partner feels overwhelmed by the amount of work that needs to be done.

My journaling started out as lists. Lists of things that made me mad about my home or things that my family kept doing that I just couldn’t get them to stop. Over time those lists became checklists that I would share with my better half and then eventually it progressed into our daily to-do lists that we intentionally time blocked into our calendar each day.

The Benefits of Checklists and Planners

Checklists and planners are excellent tools for keeping your household organized. Create a shared calendar that outlines tasks and responsibilities. This ensures that both partners are on the same page when it comes to maintaining the home. You can use digital apps or traditional pen-and-paper methods to track your to-do lists and schedules.

Checklists and planners can be incredibly helpful tools for keeping a couple’s home clean and tidy. Here are some benefits to consider:

1. Organization: Checklists and planners can help a couple stay organized by breaking down cleaning tasks into manageable steps. This can help prevent tasks from piling up and becoming overwhelming.
2. Accountability: By having a checklist or planner, both partners can hold each other accountable for completing cleaning tasks. This can help prevent one partner from feeling like they’re doing all the cleaning.
3. Efficiency: When cleaning tasks are organized and broken down into steps, it can actually save time and make cleaning more efficient. Rather than wandering around the house wondering what needs to be done, a couple can refer to their checklist or planner and know exactly what needs to be done.
4. Reduced Stress: A clean and tidy home can help reduce stress and promote a sense of calm. By using checklists and planners to stay on top of cleaning tasks, a couple can enjoy a more peaceful home environment.

Shared Responsibility

A clean and organized home is a joint effort. Both partners should actively participate in keeping the house in order. Discuss and divide tasks based on each person’s strengths and preferences. When both individuals contribute to the cleanliness of their space, it can strengthen their sense of partnership.

When J and I first got together, he had never actually had to tend to a home. He had rented small apartments and lived with guy roommates and most of the time his version of cleaning was pushing everything into a corner to hide it. Cleaning the inside of a microwave or tending to the grass weekly was not a thing he had to ever think about. 

Imagine my frustration when the honeymoon phase finally wore off and I didn’t feel like cleaning up after him any longer. It would make me so irritated! I began holding resentments as if he was not actually my man but another child. He actually began drinking just to deal with my nagging that would eventually turn into an argument and not too long after that it just turned into constant tears. Eventually the tears turned to silence and the silence was a sign that we needed to get on the same page.

Communication is Key

Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Use your journal to express your thoughts and feelings about the state of your home and your responsibilities. Discuss your expectations and any challenges you face in maintaining a clean living environment. Listen to your partner’s perspective and work together to find solutions.

Falling Apart Due to a Dirty Home

A perpetually messy and disorganized home can lead to more significant issues in a relationship because it can cause stress and frustration among partners. When one partner is constantly picking up after the other or feeling like they are the only one contributing to household chores, it can create an imbalance in the relationship. This can lead to feelings of resentment, which can cause arguments and tension between partners. Additionally, a cluttered and disorganized home can make it difficult to relax and feel comfortable in one’s own space, which can negatively affect a couple’s intimacy. It is important for both partners to take responsibility for maintaining a clean and organized home to avoid these potential issues and maintain a healthy and happy relationship.

A clean and organized home can do wonders for your relationship. By embracing tools like journaling, checklists, and planners, and by sharing the responsibility of maintaining your living space, you and your partner can create a stress-free environment that fosters a deeper connection and a healthier, happier partnership. Remember that the key to success lies in effective communication and teamwork. So, take that first step, declutter your space, and watch your relationship flourish.

Have you ever read Becky Beach’s blog or listened to her Podcast, The Becky Beach Show?

I recommend that you look her up and listen to her story. She lost her job and decided to put all her faith in herself to make her blog and business thrive for her family. Now, she helps moms like you and I find success and balance. She offers a great printable bundle to help with everything we have discussed. I suggest the Deluxe Home Binder that gives you 47 pages to keep you and your partner on track to building better habits to make your lives easier inside of your home. Here is a link to show you this exact bundle.

The Becky Beach Show: https://shop.mombeach.com/collections/mom-beach-printables/products/2024-homegoals-bundle?ref=7szn8wbf

Whether you like this one or any of her products, Becky has a gift for you! Use Coupon Code: ThatT12Chick to receive 25% off of any products purchased and don’t forget to check out her Podcast.