Unlocking the Secret to Getting Your Child to Listen: Proven Strategies for Parents

For now we are just going to forget about our spouses, bosses and adults in the world that just don’t give us the time of day and we are going to talk about the cute little angels that we made, but don’t listen to us. I love being a mom! I chose it and wanted it so bad but man does my daughter test me on every level! One common hurdle that I think all of us parents face is getting our kids to listen to us no matter if they are 4 or 44.

I have personally tried bribing, crying, being silent, taking things away, calling Santa and everything in between just to get my kid to listen to me for the 5th time of my request and I think I have come up with some good options to try out for your family. Keep in mind, all kids respond differently to different methods, so it may take some trial and error. Also, if you are angry when you execute these things, it probably won’t work like it should. I suggest taking a deep breath and calmly trying the following:

1. Positive Reinforcement: Celebrate Success

Children thrive on praise and positive reinforcement. When your child listens and follows instructions, celebrate their efforts and cooperation. Positive feedback reinforces the behavior you want to see. When children receive positive reinforcement, it helps to boost their self-esteem and confidence. This is because they feel validated and recognized for their hard work and achievements. Celebrating their success further reinforces their sense of self-worth and encourages them to continue to strive for success.

2. Clear and Simple Language: Keep It Understandable

Children, especially younger ones, may struggle to follow complex instructions. Keep your language clear, concise, and age-appropriate. Use simple and direct instructions your child can easily grasp. Children are still developing their language skills, and may not understand complex vocabulary or sentence structures yet. By speaking to them in a way that they can understand, we can help them learn and grow their language skills. Speaking to children in a clear and simple way can also help to build trust and connection between adults and children. When we take the time to communicate with children in a way that they can understand, we are showing them that we respect and value their thoughts and feelings. This can help to build a strong relationship between the child and the adult, which is important for their social and emotional development.

3. Eye Contact: Connect on Their Level

Making eye contact and connecting on the child’s level is essential for their emotional and social development. Eye contact helps establish trust and builds a connection between the child and the person they are interacting with. It also shows the child that they are being heard and that their thoughts and feelings matter. Connecting on the child’s level means that you are physically getting down to their height and making them feel more comfortable and less intimidated. It creates a safe and nurturing environment for the child to express themselves and feel validated.

Research has shown that making eye contact and connecting on the child’s level improves their self-esteem and social skills. It also helps the child develop better communication skills, as they are more likely to listen and respond effectively. Overall, making eye contact and connecting on the child’s level is an important aspect of building a positive relationship with them and promoting their emotional and social development.

4. Active Listening Skills: Teach and Practice

Teaching and practicing active listening skills is essential for children’s development. Active listening involves paying attention to the speaker and demonstrating that you understand what the speaker is saying. Children who learn active listening skills are better equipped to communicate effectively, manage conflicts, and build positive relationships.

Active listening helps children develop empathy and understanding towards others. When children actively listen to others, they can understand the speaker’s feelings and perspective. They learn to respect different opinions and consider other points of view. This promotes a positive and accepting attitude towards others, helping them to avoid conflicts and build healthy relationships. Active listening also helps children improve their communication skills! When children actively listen, they learn how to express their thoughts and feelings clearly and effectively. They learn to ask clarifying questions, which helps them to better understand the speaker’s message. This also helps to break down communication barriers and enhances their ability to express themselves.

5. Set Expectations: Define Behavior and Consequences

Establish clear expectations for behavior and the consequences of not following instructions. Let your child know what will happen if they choose not to cooperate. Clarity is key. Setting expectations and defining behavior and consequences is crucial for raising children because it helps establish a clear understanding of what is expected of them. When children know what is expected of them, they are more likely to behave appropriately and make better decisions.

Additionally, defining consequences for certain behaviors teaches children about responsibility and accountability. They learn that their actions have consequences and that they are responsible for their choices. This can help them develop a sense of self-control and make better decisions in the future.

6. Choices and Control: Empower Them

Give your child choices whenever possible. For instance, ask, “Would you like to do your homework before or after dinner?” Giving your child choices is an important way to empower and encourage them. It helps them feel more in control of their own lives and builds their self-confidence. When children are given choices, they learn to think for themselves and develop decision-making skills that will serve them well throughout their lives.

By offering choices, you allow your child to express their preferences and opinions, and this can help them feel valued and respected. It also gives them a sense of ownership over their decisions, which can be very motivating. When children feel like they have some control over their lives, they are more likely to be engaged and enthusiastic about what they are doing. Furthermore, giving your child choices can help them learn to be responsible for their decisions. When they make choices, they also learn to accept the consequences of those choices, whether positive or negative. This helps them develop a sense of personal accountability and builds their resilience.

7. Visual Aids: Make It Visual

Visual aids, like charts and diagrams, can be valuable tools for young children. They help clarify instructions and routines, making it easier for kids to remember what’s expected. Visual aids are more easily processed by the brain than verbal or written instructions. By providing a visual representation of what needs to be done, kids can more easily understand and remember the task at hand.

Visual checklists or schedules allow kids to track their progress and feel a sense of accomplishment as they complete each task. This can be especially helpful for children who struggle with motivation or attention. Try allowing your child to make their own visual helpers or feel free to check ours out over in the shop!

8. Rewards System: Incentivize Good Behavior

Implement a rewards system. When your child listens and follows instructions, offer privileges or small rewards. This reinforces positive behavior. By offering a tangible reward for good behavior, children are more likely to be motivated to continue behaving in that way. This can also help build their self-esteem and sense of accomplishment. A reward system or incentivizing good behavior can be a powerful tool for parents to encourage positive habits and behaviors in their children, and small rewards can be a great way to motivate children to listen to their parents. Some budget friendly ways to offer an incentive to a child who isn’t listening could be:

1. Special treat – A small treat like a piece of candy or a cookie can be a great way to incentivize good behavior and encourage listening to their parents.
2. Fun activity – A child could be rewarded with a fun activity, like a trip to the park, playing a board game with their parents, or having a special playdate with a friend.
3. Extra screen time – If a child listens to their parents the first time, they could be rewarded with an extra 15-30 minutes of screen time, such as watching their favorite TV show or playing a video game.

9. Routines: Provide Predictability

Consistent daily routines provide structure and predictability. Children thrive in this environment, making it easier for them to understand and follow instructions. When children have a consistent routine, they know what to expect and are less likely to feel anxious or uncertain about what will happen next. This can be especially important for children who are still learning about the world around them and are trying to make sense of their experiences.

Providing predictability, routines also help children develop important life skills, such as time management and self-discipline. By following a set routine, children learn how to prioritize tasks and manage their time effectively. This can help them become more organized and responsible, which are important skills for success in school and later in life.

Routines can encourage children to listen to their parents. When children understand that certain behaviors or actions are expected of them at specific times, they are more likely to follow through and comply with their parents’ requests. This can help build a positive relationship between parent and child, based on mutual trust and respect.

10. Be a Good Listener: Model Behavior

Show your child the importance of active listening by being a good listener yourself. When your child talks, pay attention, ask questions, and show that you value their thoughts and feelings. Being a good listener and modeling great behavior is incredibly beneficial for children, as it helps them establish positive communication skills and builds their confidence. Children who feel heard and understood are more likely to listen to their parents and follow their instructions. I have a couple tips on how to show a good example for this to your kids:

1. Give your child your full attention: When your child is speaking to you, stop what you are doing and give them your full attention. Look them in the eyes, and actively listen to what they are saying. This shows them that what they have to say is important and valued. Believe me, nothing makes me more irritated than hearing “Mommy Mommy Mommy” for the 7,000th time while you are cooking dinner, cleaning up the messes, doing laundry and answering the phone for your in-laws. However, what I have found is that all our children really want is to feel safe and heard and valued. Most times all I have to say is “Oh that is so great!” and my child will just smile and walk away proud of herself.
2. Repeat back what your child says: When your child is finished speaking, repeat back to them what you heard. This not only confirms that you were listening, but it also helps clarify any misunderstandings.
3. Ask open-ended questions: Encourage your child to share their thoughts and feelings by asking open-ended questions. Instead of asking yes or no questions, ask questions that require more detail and explanation. This shows your child that you are interested in what they have to say and want to understand them better.

Active listening in children can be nurtured through positive reinforcement, clear communication, and respectful interaction. By using these strategies, parents can create an environment that fosters cooperation and helps children develop important life skills. Remember that every child is unique, so be patient, flexible, and adaptable as you work together to enhance your parent-child communication.

In the end, the secret to getting your child to listen is rooted in the quality of your connection, the trust you build, and the positive influence you provide as a parent.